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Sean Salisbury’s Meltdown

You may have read about the trainwreck that is Sean Salisbury. Since the former ESPN talking head is also a dad (more on this later), I decided to weigh in.

Sean Salisbury was an NFL quarterback. He was OK. Not great, but OK. Well, maybe mediocre at best. Hey, he played professional football, which is no small thing.

Speaking of small things, he also allegedly likes to show pictures of his wiener to women at parties. (I should say “allegedly small thing.” No idea how big Little Sean is.)

There is no proof of Salisbury’s actions, and he has denied it vehemently. (Deadspin first mentioned it in 2007.) But in April, a woman gave an “eyewitness account” of the incident to Deadspin.com. Apparently Mr. Salisbury’s M.O. is to go up to a lady and say “want to see a picture of my baby?” Then he pulls out his cellphone, which has a snapshot of his wang.

Only a guy would ever do something like this. Think about it. Has any woman ever walked up to a guy at a party and whipped out a picture of her vagina?

Even if the cellphone thing turns out to be untrue, Sean Salisbury might be insane. Via Deadspin:

Hey I’m a dad trying to raise kids and get reputation cleared and a lawsuit will bring everyone to carpet. So feel free to go on ur deadspin and call me those names.

In response to AJ saying, “Okay. Please try to keep it together,” Sean replied:

Keep what together. Is that one of ur condesending remarks. I am together happy on the beach and raising my kids.

and later:

These emails r from beach. I hope u can get it together lol

Deadspin commenters are generally very amusing, proving that at times The Hive (my name for the collective social networking-commenter-troll brain that is the Interweb these days) can produce cleverness, such as this:

I feel like I just walked in on my dad jerking off into the mirror. (lukeoneil47)

Well said.

Or as a commenter on ProFootballTalk points out, It’s pretty sad actually that there is no one in this guy’s life who will say “come on Sean, it’s starting to really get embarassing”. (Richm2256)

Also well said.

I want to say something about Sean’s “I am together happy on the beach and raising my kids” comment.

I try very hard to avoid spending time on my cellphone when on vacation with the family. I don’t often succeed, but I at least make an effort to limit myself to things that actually require my attention. The idea that Salisbury is engaging in an ongoing dialogue with the editor of a website while on the beach with his kids is wacky. So is the fact that he feels a need to mention them. Using your children as a shield is something I find irritating, and that’s what Sean is doing here. Are we supposed to have sympathy for him beacuse he’s a father? Frankly, after reading his emails to Deadspin, I have more sympathy for his kids.

Image: Wikipedia