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Mel Gibson’s Father Thinks Pope is Gay [Daddy Issues]

TMZ has audio of Hutton Gibson, Mel Gibson’s father, calling in to a radio show and saying that Pope Benedict XVI is gay. As in homosexual. TMZ has the recording; here is a partial transcript.

The elder Mr. Gibson called “the Political Cesspool Radio Program to discuss the issues involving the Catholic Church,” according to TMZ.

When asked by the host if the Catholic Church had “become politicized…so that it was no longer able to take on controversial issues like homosexuality,” or if perhaps they were simply “unwilling to do so,” Hutton Gibson replied: “It’s not willing to do so because half of the people there in the Vatican are queer.”

Gibson added that they (presumably the gay people in the church hierarchy) have “fostered it” (gay stuff?) because they want to “destroy the church.”

In the recording posted at TMZ.com, Gibson is asked by the host about the involvement of the Freemasons in the church’s supposed demise. When Pope Benedict’s name came up, Gibson said, “He’s one of them. He was the one that influenced the last four… the last four anti-popes.” When asked if Benedict could be a Freemason, Gibson says, “I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.”

And finally, the money shot:

Host: Now I’m going to ask you a very controversial question. Do you think that Benedict is a homosexual?

Hutton Gibson: I certainly do. Why else would he put up with this? He was in charge of stamping it out. And he did nothing. He just kept quiet. Keep things quiet, don’t do anything. We don’t want to disturb anybody.

Hutton Gibson also says that the Pope is a “slippery character” who is now going to “get behind the thing he’s always scorned.” Make up your own joke.

WOW. I thought I had daddy issues. And I do. But, um. WOW.

Asides:

- This will probably be the only time that I slightly agree with Hutton Gibson. It was wrong of the Church to keep what appears to have been rampant sexual abuse among the preisthood under wraps. That’s kind of a minor point in all of this, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

- Can you imagine if this guy was your father? Unless you moved out at a very young age, what are the odds that you wouldn’t end up a nutjob?

- Anti-Popes would be a good name for a band.

TMZ via Daily Mail

Introduction To Christianity Image via Amazon.com

Use The Crusts As Bread Crumbs [Cooking Tip]

For some mysterious reason, most children will not eat a sandwich unless the crusts have been cut off. Today’s tip: use the crusts as bread crumbs when you are cooking.

This morning, like most mornings, I made lunch for my son. Currently, he will eat a bologna sandwich, on wheat, with the crusts removed. I was about to toss the crusts in the trash when I realized that they would make good homemade bread crumbs.

Here’s what you do:

- Break the crusts apart into smaller pieces.

- Put into a mortar and pestle. If you don’t have a mortar and pestle, use a bowl. Then go buy a mortar and pestle because they are inexpensive, useful and, in their own way, awesome.

- Add spices. I used herbs du provence, truffle salt, and pepper.

- Smoosh it up until it looks like the bread crumbs you get from the can, only without the additives (or the can).

Bingo! You have homemade bread crumbs. I put mine on some roasted carrots that were in this week’s farm share box. What do you put bread crumbs on?

Mortar and Pestle image from Amazon.com

New Tron Movie Has Daddy Issues [So Do I]

The new Tron movie has daddy issues.

So do I.

‘Tron: Legacy’ is the sequel to the 1982 film ‘Tron‘. I’d say ‘classic’ but if I’m being honest (and I always am, ahem) I don’t remember the original film well enough to call it a classic. I’m not sure if anyone else would agree. More on that later.

A new trailer was revealed at the San Diego Comic Con (SDCC). Here it is:

The movie looks like a lot of fun. What caught me by surprise were the daddy issues on display.

Jeff Bridges’ character Kevin Flynn appears to have had a son named Sam (played by Garrett Hedlund) at some point between 1982 and now. (It’s possible he had one in the original film; like I said, I don’t remember.) From the trailer, it looks as if poppa Flynn disappeared when Sam was a little guy, and no one knows what happened. Cue the title card — “20 years later”. Alan Bradley (Bruce Boxleitner, also returning from the original film, although he isn’t playing the Tron character this time) gets a page from dad’s office number, which has been disconnected for 20 years. (When was the last time he used that pager? Was it in storage all this time?) Sam Flynn enters Flynn’s Arcade, which is all wrapped up in saran. He is absorbed into the Tron world, or whatever it was called. Nerds everywhere pop geeky boners. He rides a lightcycle and throws those cool-looking disc things. Boners get bigger. Hot girl in tight cyber suit (Olivia Wilde). Boners get more valid.

During all of this, the bad guy, Clu 2.0 reveals his face. It’s the same face as Sam’s dad, Kevin. No beard, though.

Daddy Kevin is trapped somewhere, and Sam must find him. He also needs a shave. (If I were trapped in cyber world, I wouldn’t shave either.)

Not earth-shattering stuff I suppose. But big-time daddy issues.

“Hi Daddy!”

Oh, the daddy issues. Have we mentioned the daddy issues? Think about it. Kevin Flynn, Sam’s dad, disappeared when he was young. (8 years old? 9? Something like that.) Sam never found out why. (I’m guessing about this part.) After 20 years, his father’s former business partner tells him that Kevin paged him from a number that has been disconnected since dad fell off the face of the Earth. Sam goes to the arcade dad used to run, gets digitized, and discovers that the evil overlord of cyber world is someone who LOOKS JUST HIS FATHER. BUT! It’s not his father. His father is trapped somewhere and he must go and get him out.

My dad died when I was 10; this plotline could have been pulled directly from my brain. I’ve had several dreams over the years where I find out that my father has been alive all this time, living somewhere else. Usually I ask why he didn’t contact me. He has an answer but I can’t remember what it is. Even in the dream, I don’t think I really hear him. I vaguely recall a couple of dreams where he said something about not wanting to upset me, which of course makes sense since it is MUCH better to believe your father is dead than it is to find out he’s been alive but didn’t want to tell you. (OK, breathe… OK. OK.)

In ‘Tron: Legacy’, Sam finds out his dad is alive, trapped, and he can save him — from a bad guy that looks exactly like his dad. (Without facial hair, as noted.)

For me, this raises more issues than Life Magazine.

An older trailer (dated March 29, 2010) has a longer version of the “your dad paged me” scene. Sam says, “You think I’m going to find him… sorry kid, lost track of time?” “Wouldn’t that be something.”

Yeah. It would, wouldn’t it. Too bad it’s only a movie.

(BTW, the movie looks awesome, but I may have to check my emotions at the door when I see it with the kids. It would be way too hard to explain why dad is getting upset during a film in which the major attraction is CGI light cycles.)

Trailer via YouTube; originally seen on Topless Robot – It’s Jeff Bridges Vs. Jeff Bridges in Tron: Legacy.

15-Year-Old Kid Tricks Apple App Store [Smart Kids Rock]

I love smart kids. I love tech folks who stick it to THE MAN.

These days, despite protestations from iHoles worldwide, Apple is THE MAN. Especially when it comes to the iPhone app store.

Here’s what happened: according to Gizmodo, Nick Lee, a 15-year-old kid, was selling an iPhone app called Handy Light. It looked like one of probably thousands of “colored flashlight apps” that are in the app store.

BUT! Handy Light had a secret feature — “hidden code that made it a full tethering application—a program that allows you to use your iPhone as a 3G modem.” This is something that AT&T charges $20 a month for. But if you have Handy Light, you can do it for free — well, ok, a one-time charge of 99 cents.

A couple of points:

• Cellphone carriers who charge for tethering are annoying.
• Apple’s claim that they filter apps in order to protect users now sounds silly. Especially when they rejected a farting app. (They eventually approved it, I think.)
• It’s great that kids are still programming. Computers in schools are mostly used now as gaming machines.
• This is NOT evil hacking. This is a kid who figured out a way to buck the system.

According to Gizmodo, Apple removed Handy Light from the app store, but anyone who downloaded the thing can keep using it. Not sure if it’s possible to load your own apps onto the iPhone. If so, I hope the kid released the source code so people can keep doing this on their own. It may be a violation of AT&T’s agreement (I have no idea if it is or not); if so, that’s their problem.

GO! SMART! KIDS! David Lightman! Represent!

How a 15-yo Kid Tricked Apple With a Disguised iPhone Tethering App (Gizmodo)

Wargames DVD image via Amazon.com

Jackasses Upset About Obama Fathers Day Message

It seems that some jackasses were upset by President Obama’s Father’s Day message. What did The President say?

From the Seattle Times:

“Nurturing families come in many forms, and children may be raised by a father and mother, a single father, two fathers, a stepfather, a grandfather, or caring guardian.”

So that’s what he said. Not a big deal, right?

Oh. But it is a big deal. Like most of the things that President Obama says, this is just another step towards the dismantling of everything that makes our Great Nation great!

The outcry from two – TWO! – jackasses was enough to warrant news coverage.

The more well-known jackass to comment was American Family Association president Tim Wildmon, who, because he has no sense of humor, did not that say President Obama’s statement was wild, man. (Get it? Thank you, I’ll be here all week.)  Wildmon told the AP: “This is the first time in our nation’s history that a president has used Father’s Day as an excuse to promote the radical homosexual agenda and completely redefine the word ‘family.’”

Because that’s what happened. Jackass.

The other jackass that offered trenchant commentary on this issue was Jenny Tyree, who is less well-known, at least to me.

Tyree is described as “a marriage analyst for CitizenLink, an affiliate of Focus on the Family”. CitizenLink is a web site or something. Tyree found the President’s mention of the concept of “‘two fathers’ in the proclamation” to be “very troubling”, calling it a “decision to promote a ‘motherless family.’”

Again — because that’s what he was doing. Jackass number two.

If you, like me, have no idea who Jenny Tyree is, she apparently is someone who has devoted her existence to railing against same-sex marriage. As she herself puts it:

My job is to defend one-man, one-woman marriage as God’s created intent and design for humans who are called to bear His image as male and female,  and to advance marriage policies in the public arena that build on the wealth of research confirming that children, women and men thrive in stable marriages.

That sounds like a cool job! Beats working for The Post Office, know what I mean?

Nation & World | Active Father’s Day for Obama, critics | Seattle Times Newspaper

Adam and Steve DVD image via Amazon

Bob Etheridge Was Setup And Is A Schmuck [Politics]

The Bob Etheridge video was a setup. He’s still a schmuck.

As Mayor Quimby once said, it can be two things.

In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, here is a reasonably good account of the story at Huffington Post.

And here are the two videos.

Now:

The reality is that the Etheridge video was clearly a setup. This is the GOP Conservative Hive Mind version of TMZ. They create a situation and hope that someone (usually a member of the Democratic party, whom the GOP Conservative Hive Mind believes is the greatest threat to life as they know it) falls for it.

Etheridge fell for it big time. That makes him a schmuck. He might even have anger management issues. Hell, he might even be a violent maniac. But that doesn’t change the fact that this was clearly an ambush.

Gotcha journalism, if you will.

If it’s not a setup, why does the YouTube account hosting the videos have only two clips, both of the Etheridge incident? Why is it so well edited? Why was there someone else present with a high quality camera ready to document the whole thing? And if it wasn’t a setup, what was it? A “school project”? Give me a break. We’re stupid, but we’re not THAT stupid.

This doesn’t let Etheridge off the hook. He acted like a schmuck. But the situation was fabricated.

Also interesting is that this tactic is what Andrew Breitbart, the neocon nitwit who promoted the Etheridge video, accused the black senators of doing when they walked by Tea Party protesters. He said that by walking by them, they were attempting to provoke a response. Or as he put it on Twitter, which is where everyone knows the most trenchant political debate occurs: “Dem strategy: Coordinated bloc walks in front of ‘tea partiers’ hoping to get youtube provocation to turn tables“. (The implication that a black person walking by a Tea Party protest is something that is likely to provoke a negative response is a curious side note to Breitbart’s reasoning.)

Breitbart, of course, says that was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. So what about the Etheridge video? Which is more likely – that a Senator would be going to work and happen to walk by protesters? Or that two kids in suits with cameras happened to be waiting for a Senator?

They’re all assholes. Pick the asshole you agree with the most and vote that way, I suppose. But don’t buy into the notion that this is real. Because in all likelihood, it isn’t.

Not Having Kids Led To Murder [Laughing Instead of Crying]

CNN is reporting that “Fertility issues were at the center of former TV chef Juan-Carlos Cruz’s motivation in the alleged murder-for-hire plot to kill his wife“. In other words, not having kids led to murder.

See, I always thought it was the other way around.

This isn’t a funny story, of course, and that joke was in poor taste. But whatever. Let’s think about this for a minute.

I admit that I can’t completely relate to people who are desperate to have children and are unable to do so. I have two kids, and no fertility treatments were involved. Part of me doesn’t get the idea of fertility treatments — some people go through a lot in order to have a child themselves rather than, say, adopting, or just not having kids. But in the interest of trying to be an enlightened live and let live kind of guy (ha ha) I’m willing to accept the idea that there are feeling I can’t comprehend because I’ve never been in the same situation.

That said, the idea that not being able to have a child would drive a man to hire someone to kill his wife seems far-fetched. It was SO IMPORTANT to have kids? Again, why not adopt? How long are you going to try? Ever heard of Kate Gosselin? She did some sort of procedure and ended up with six more kids. SIX. KIDS. The Octo-mom? Hello? Even twins seems like a lot to me.

Hell, one kid is a lot. Maybe, before desperately trying every fertility treatment in town, potential parents should spend some time with a large family. Preferably one with very young children. Who don’t sleep. And talk. A lot. Maybe one of the kids is a biter. Another one wets the bed. Nightly. Still another likes to flush things, like mom’s shoes, down the toilet. At least once a week.

Maybe then they would see that having kids? Not the only way to go through life.

Now, a disclaimer of sorts. I love my children. I wanted to have them. They are cute, they are annoying, blah blah blah. But in the same way that it shouldn’t matter if a woman in public life has kids, and that we should stop referring to single women as unmarried as if being married is a goal for a woman, it would be nice if people would stop thinking about children as something that they need. You aren’t “childless.” You just don’t have kids. Or maybe whether or not you have children is even an issue.

I personally don’t even like to ask people if they plan on having kids. Which I guess is a good thing, since, according to CNN, not having kids can lead to murder.

Sources: Inability to have child behind TV chef’s murder scheme – CNN.com

Does It Matter If A Woman In Public Life Has Kids? – Jezebel

All the Single Ladies – Maureen Dowd, New York Times

Jon and Kate Plus 8 DVD Image via Amazon.com

Are We Done With Lance Armstrong Now? [Rants]

According to published reports, professional bike rider Floyd Landis has admitted that he was doping and claims that Lance Armstrong was doing it too. My question is: are we done with Lance Armstrong now?

I’ve never liked Lance Armstrong. There was always something about him. Maybe it’s the way he uses the fact that he had cancer as a marketing tool. Or the fact that nobody ever says what a douche the guy is. I mean, he was making out with an Olsen twin. What the hell? That’s douchey behavior.

But nobody calls him on it. Why not? Because he’s Lance Armstrong. He only has one testicle. (Note: I’m not sure how many testicles he has. Ask the Olsen twins.)

He dumped Sheryl Crow, and it could be because she had breast cancer. The rumor, if I recall correctly, was that she wanted kids and he didn’t. Then he went out and had kids. Methinks Lance just wanted to bang younger women.

But he had cancer! And made those rubber bracelets!

And he’s such a champion! He won all those bike races! No way was he aided by drugs. The French are just jealous. They’re still mad because we saved their ass in WWII. Amirite?

Now it appears that Lance Armstrong may have been lying all along. Landis is definitely lying; he’s either lying doping now, or he was lying about not doping before. Since only high school students trying to look cool lie about taking drugs, I’m going to go with the latter.

Landis is definitely an enormous jackass. In a 2007 New York Times Magazine story, Landis denied doing anything that was against cycling rules. The article talked about his “supporters”; I think some even gave him money to help with his legal fees. Legal fees to defend himself against the allegations that he had done bad things in order to win a bike race.

I’m not someone who spends a lot of time worrying about performance enhancing drugs in sports. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but I do think there is a tremendous amount of hypocrisy in the sports world when it comes to this topic. Brett Favre couldn’t take the field without popping pain pills. Um, hello? If you’re going to put an asterisk next to Barry Bonds because he couldn’t have hit home runs without HGH, shouldn’t you do the same thing for Brett Favre’s consecutive game streak? Oh, but the pain pills didn’t help him play better. True. They helped him play, period. But hey, you know. He’s Brett Favre. That makes it okay.

I could give two shits about cycling. But that’s not the point. The point is the lying, the repeated lying, and the lack of anyone giving a shit about telling the truth.

If it turns out that Lance Armstrong is a lying sack of shit, what will that mean for his “legacy”? Will people burn their rubber bracelets in outrage? Will he have to give back all the money he earned from being a “hero” and a “champion”?

Nah. Because nobody cares. They believed whatever he said, reporters bought into it, and that’s it. It’s old news, right? Who cares? What’s done is done. Besides, he’s really sorry. The French made him do it.

Deadspin points out that “No proof is offered, as of yet. Just the word of a man who has nothing left to lose.” That is, no proof that Armstrong did anything, and Landis has nothing left to lose. For the record, I still think Lance Armstrong is a dick, and that he gets a pass when he does douchey stuff like making out with an Olsen twin, or dumping Sheryl Crow because she has cancer and is too old for his one-balled self, or using his cancer as a marketing tool. But it’s possible that he wasn’t lying about this.

Besides, he had CANCER. Didn’t you know? He’s such a great guy.

Movies I Saw In Theaters – Love at First Bite [Movies]

There are a lot of movies I saw in theaters when I was a kid that I wouldn’t take my kids to see now. One of them is the George Hamilton / Susan St. James non-classic ‘Love at First Bite.’

‘Love at First Bite‘ is a parody of Dracula movies. I saw it in theaters, despite being about 8 years old at the time. Either my mother or my father took me, I don’t remember. Probably my father, since he was more likely to take me to something like this.

I don’t remember much about ‘Love at First Bite’. Judging by the clip, it looks like there wasn’t anything in there that was overly questionable for a young man to see or hear. I think I heard an s-word. Ooo! They say “shit” in the animated ‘Transformers’ movie and ‘Short Circuit’, both movies that were intended for kid audiences.

So why wouldn’t I take my kids to see ‘Love at First Bite’?

For one thing, there are a lot more choices now. Tons of movies specifically meant for kids, and also all of the films and television shows that I love and now want to watch with my children.

Also, the way we consume media has changed. Going to a movie theater is no longer an easy way to spend a couple of hours with a child. Well, it’s still easy, but it costs a fickin’ fortune. In Manhattan, adult movie tickets are typically $12.50, kids are about $7.50. That’s too much.

If ‘Love at First Bite’ were made today, it would probably have a lot more sex and explicit language. This comment from YouTube is telling (and unlike most comments from YouTube, doesn’t call anyone gay):

Ah yes, I do SO miss the days when comedy could just be silly and funny and didn’t have to be “edgy”….thanks? for this blast from the past !

‘Edgy’ is rightly in quotes. The word is so overused that it doesn’t mean anything anymore.

That’s from ‘The Hangover’, which is rated R. ‘Love at First Bite‘ was rated PG. If they remade ‘Love at First Bite‘ today, I imagine they would go for an R. You know. To get the kids in.

To be clear, I’m not knocking ‘The Hangover’ or the current wave of R-rated comedies. I actually think it’s better for movies like that to get a R-rating, which is meant to tell parents that a movie isn’t appropriate for children under 17. That doesn’t stop parents from bringing kids to movies like ‘Kick-Ass’ of course, but that — stupid parents — is a different topic.

I also don’t think my kids would be damaged by seeing ‘Love at First Bite‘. I think I’m more uptight about what they see, although my butt enclenches when it comes to superhero movies. Both of my boys have seen ‘Iron Man’; the youngest hasn’t seen ‘Iron Man 2′ because I decided it was too much for him (he’s pretty young). A lot of that is because of the intensity of ‘Iron Man 2′. For much of the movie, Jon Favreau puts his foot on the gas and doesn’t let up for long stretches, which was a lot of fun to watch but could potentially freak out a little kid.

That’s something that older movies didn’t do as much. We watched ‘Star Wars’ recently, and I was pleasantly surprised by a couple of things. One was how well it holds up. (I did have to explain to my son that Han shot first, despite what George Lucas edited into the movie after the fact.) Another was how it manages to be fun and exciting without being INTENSE. Or, to borrow from a YouTube commenter, ‘edgy’.

In some ways, that lack of ‘edge’ makes ‘Star Wars’ more kid-friendly than a lot of what passes for kiddie fare these days. ‘Star Wars’ doesn’t insert overly intense music during key scenes or employ schlocky horror movie techniques intended to get the heart pumping. It just starts a good story.

‘Love at First Bite’ (although I admit I can’t remember a lot of it) does the same kind of thing. That’s probably one of the reasons I can’t remember it. It wasn’t traumatizing. Another movie, ‘The Twilight Zone’, I walked out of and will never forget. The girl with no mouth. Here’s the clip. I just watched it for the first time since 1983 when I saw it in theaters, and I really regret doing so. Um, here’s the clip. But be warned. It’s still really fucking scary.

That’s a horror movie, of course. But my point is that if a movie doesn’t have stuff like that in it, scenes that are intended to be frightening or ‘edgy’, odds are it won’t be something that your cause your kids to flip out.

(Shit. I can’t believe I watched that clip of the girl with no mouth from ‘The Twilight Zone’. I’m really not happy right now. Dammit.)

A better way to look at this could be that if I were a parent in 1979, I should be OK with taking my kid to see ‘Love at First Bite’ in theaters. But today’s equivalent of ‘Love at First Bite’, whatever that is, not so much.

Love at First Bite DVD image from Amazon.com

How Not To Pressure Your Working Spouse [DaddyTips]

Have you ever wondered how not to pressure your working spouse? Or is that a topic you’ve never given a moment of thought?

You should think about it. Because it’s important. Pressuring your spouse, especially when they are at work (say, by sending an email) can cause frustration and also be downright mean.

Nobody wants their spouse to feel pressured and guilty about working when they need to. Well, maybe they do, but if so, you’ve got other problems. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to your husband or wife and tell them that you would love it if they spent more time at home. But you have to realize that this isn’t always possible.

People who know me — and after my ParentDish opinion piece Dads Can Stay Home With The Kids, Too, even people who don’t — know that I’m the primary caregiver in our house (I prefer that phrase to “stay at home dad”, even though it’s a bit unwieldy). I’ve made some adjustments in how I discuss home-time with my wife when she has to work.

Not to belabor the point, but the key thing thing is to avoid pressuring your spouse and/or making them feel guilty. Some of this isn’t your fault. If your spouse says that they feel like you are being demanding because you emailed to ask time they’ll be home, you may want to sit down and explain that you aren’t trying to stress her out, you just want to know.

That’s the key thing to keep in mind when it comes to talking to your working spouse. Keep these four words in mind — no pressure, just planning. You are asking what their ETA is because that way you can plan dinner, or keep the children awake a little bit longer. Or maybe you want to know because the children are driving you insane, and if you are going to count the minutes until you’ll have some help playing zone defense, you’d like to know just how many minutes you need to count.

If you end your emails with that phrase — no pressure, just planning — odds are you’ll be able to find out what you need to find out without causing undue tension in your relationship. Give it a try. It certainly can’t hurt.

Baby Boom/Mr. Mom Double Feature DVD image via Amazon.com